“Untitled – What are you doing here?” (Poem, ??/??/02) Doc. #015

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Not me, and yet, a perfect representation.

The Text:

What are you doing here

Untitled

Written Summer/Fall 2002 (Age 15 or 16)

What are you doing here?
Don’t you know I’m a disasterman?
Controled Controlled by doubt and fear,
Bbaby, don’t you understand?

That I’ve got nothing to give
nothing to lose
Don’t ask me which, baby (which baby? lol)
I can’t choose.
I’m just the by-product 
Oof a wasted dream
Aand I will try to adapt
to your scene.

I’ve tried so many times
Tto let you slip away
Tto Lleave me here with my crimes
Eeach time you choose to stay.

Still I’ve got nothing to give
Nnothing to lose.
You ask me which, Bbut baby
I can’t choose.
I’m just a by-product
of a wasted dream
Aand I will fail to adapt
to your scene.

Critique:

“Untitled (What are you doing here?)” is an amateurish poem with no imagery and too many baby’s for my taste. It follows an acceptable rhyme scheme, but is rhythmically flawed. It just doesn’t sound good. Thematically, it is not a unique idea that is being presented, though there is some emotion in the words. Would not read more. Grade: C-

Reflection:

This document came out of The Scarf-man Parcel (Other, ??/??/02) Doc #009 and I am all but positive that it is in fact, not a poem, but a song. First off, it’s written on a piece of looseleaf notebook paper; I usually wrote poems in the Green Notebook (Other, ??/??/01) Doc. #003. Additionally, there is my use of the word ‘baby,’ which may not have been as overused then as it is now, but I still don’t think I favored it in my poetry. Now, if you just read the poem aloud it sounds like crap.  But if you imagine singing it—if you stretch out some of the syllables—it wouldn’t be that bad of a song.

In the summer of 2002 I started a rock band with four of my friends: Tim, Mighty Bear, Frank, and Vincent. Tim’s step-brother, Pokey, would also sit in on practice with a pair of bongos and annoy us, but he had no musical talent and was drowned out by the actual drums.

We called ourselves Drivetrain. We knew 5 songs from start to finish: “Hotel California” by The Eagles, “Enter Sandman” and “Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica, “Doo Wah Diddy Diddy” by Manfred Mann, and an original song written by our guitar player, Mighty Bear, with lyrics by me called, “Now That It’s Over,” which went something like this:

Now that it’s over
why you never come around?
Now that it’s over
why you always put me down?

Ugh. Terrible. But honestly, not much worse than a lot of the lyrics in the Top 40 these days.

I could strum an acoustic guitar, but my main role in Drivetrain was lead singer, seeing as everyone else in the band was either too shy or too tone-deaf to sing. Now I can carry a tune, but I have a rather unique, higher-pitched voice, and really have no business singing most rock music. If I ever get famous as a singer/songwriter, it’s going to be in a band like Barenaked Ladies, not Megadeath. (Maybe I could make it as a Bob Dylan impersonator, if I got better on the guitar; my Bob Dylan impression is spot-on.)

To put it simply: I couldn’t trash. I could, however, afford an expensive PA system and microphone. That, and I wasn’t scared s***less at the thought of singing in public, so I was in. Our renditions of Metallica songs featured some of the most laid-back, positive-feeling singing the songs have ever been treated to. We played one gig at a birthday party because one of our friends let us. I don’t think we even received polite applause after the second song.

Tim and I quit the band after that, but Drivetrain went on. They got a new singer and became a 4-piece band, eventually booking a couple of shows in the Western New York area. Eventually they received a cease and desist letter in the mail from the representatives of Derrick Thompson, AKA Drivetrain, a musician out of Detroit. They changed their name to Cryptic Culture, but the band never got out of the tri-county area. I’m not sure if they recorded anything before they broke up.

Mighty Bear would go on to start another band that is enjoying much more success. They do a lot of original music and just released their first album last year. I would end up selling my PA system and microphone to my parents at a loss, and giving up on my dream of musical fame and fortune. I still have a guitar though, play it every now and then when I get the urge. I probably know 9 songs from start to finish now, but I don’t play for any other reason than to remind myself that I still can.

Anyway, I hope you liked something here, and if you did, please click on one of those SHARE buttons below. Thanks for reading!

~Sean L

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