Hey Regression Readers,
So I’m writing this as the audio I created for my last #Vlog4Change plays in the background. I don’t know if it’s ego or perfectionism that has me so obsessed with my own creations. I started by looking back on my own writing, and now I can’t stop looking back at a “finished” project.
If you haven’t seen it and don’t have 15 minutes (our entire vlog’s current TOTAL runtime) might I suggest jumping into Episode 2 for 30 seconds staring at 5:15. It’s my favorite moment in the video.
I guess I’m looking for signs in my past to show me the way forward. I wrote down some of my most honest thoughts and feelings in the journals I use for The Regression Collection, When I read and view the entries and drawings in my personal collection, I am met with a person that I know is me, but who is just… SO DUMB compared to me 🙂
Okay, not dumb, just uncertain and inexperienced. I can relate to that. There are still a lot of things in this life that I don’t understand. My wife, for instance.
I just remembered that my wife doesn’t comment on the Lewis Log… damn, that was a really good setup. Oh well.
Anyway, I was out today getting my eyes examined for new contact lenses. If you’ve seen the video, you will have noticed a hell of a lot of glare coming off of my glasses. Now, I’m trying to use my whole ass when it comes to making these videos, and details like that drive me crazy. Additionally, I’m traveling to a convention in two weeks and am hoping to bring a less nerdy/crazy persona to the floor.
To put it in gendered terms: I want to be pretty.
I only own these hipster glasses. I’ve been wearing them for almost 5 years now. The lenses are scratched to hell and, let’s face it: they make me look like a nerd (if I were skinnier, or dressed better, I might be able to pull off hipster). Now, I absolutely am a nerd, but I don’t need to be advertising it with my face.
I’ve changed a lot since I bought these glasses at America’s Best five years ago. I’m not as serious about myself; I don’t want to be a “professional.” It’s time for a change in my eyewear, and I live in Florida. Contact lenses= SUNGLASSES! (believe it or not, clip-on sunglasses actually make me look more like a nerd).
Ever since I decided to put my physical form online, I’ve been doing things to ensure that my appearance is as “clean” as possible (even though I am generally a slob in a t-shirt and running shorts). Before my second shoot I got a haircut, plucked my eyebrows and nose hair, put on some concealer for the zit on my forehead and some foundation to reduce shine. Now I’ve got contact lenses, and I just thought of getting some “White-strips.”
We’ve been talking a lot about gender on this blog lately, and I wonder: do women feel this kind of pressure to look so put together every day?
There have been a few times in my life where I have wanted to change my appearance along with my life. You can read about one of them in “The Rule of Attraction” (Fiction, 02/29/08) Doc. #014. During another one of these times, in high school, I got contact lenses. Most people only said “you look different.” I didn’t miraculously become popular or anything. Eventually I just got sick of putting them in and taking them out.
In the past, I have thought that changing my appearance would change my life. It never has. Now I’m changing my life by doing things, it just so happens that this involves making a few changes to my appearance occasionally. I think having a few “disguises” to put on for work isn’t the worst thing in the world. And it’s not like I’m going to start wearing underwear on the reg or anything crazy like that. At home, I’ll be chillin’ in my running shorts (never been ran in, BTW) and rocking the nerd glasses.
As always, thanks for reading!