Twoo Wuv

When asked the standard couple question of how we met, Sean and I aren’t very interesting. We met in college, but were only satellite friends. Sean recalls thinking that I was hot, and I recall him asking, “Hey, when did Mackey get hot?” at a party after we’d known each other a couple of years.
We didn’t get to be more than acquaintances until he joined the D&D campaign I was in with several friends. Well, I say D&D but it was our DM’s homebrewed BESM-based world where reality was based on music. Each of our characters was based on a song. I was the Cat With Two Heads based on the song of the same name by The Aquabats, Sean played Bungalow Phil (maybe if I hint here that he should tell you all about it he’ll make another post) by a band I don’t remember even though he reminds me every time we talk about this.
Sean tells me it’s “The Beatles, dude!” Oh.
After the campaign ended, Sean formed that same group of friends into an improv troupe, so he and I were pretty used to touching each other inappropriately and making weird noises before we hooked up. To this fact I credit the strength of our relationship.
Now, I am freakishly monogamous, and through all of this Sean had been with another girl which rendered him not a romantic object in my eyes. After the two of them broke up there was a week in which I went from “Poor sad Sean,” to “Holy s***t, when did Sean get hot?”
The clincher came when Navi, a friend who is now pursuing a career as a nun, asked Sean if there was anything she could do to alleviate his breakup sadness. “Pity sex?” he replied.
My brain went whirrrr-CLICK. Oh f**k, Sean is available for people to sleep with. I thought. It must be me.
I started a period of investigation into Sean’s level of interest in such an arrangement. This lasted a couple of weeks, during which I saw him as often as possible and gauged his receptivity to my invasion of his personal space. During this time we spent the night on our friends’ couch, one at each end and our legs all jumbled up. “If we do this again,” he said, “We’re gonna spoon.”
“Ok,” I said. Which is pretty darn forward, for me.
Advice I received but didn’t listen to during this time, “Don’t fart.”
But I was anxious to move out of the investigative phase and into the use-your-words phase because every moment I wasn’t making my move was a moment some other bitch could be making hers.
Overall I only gave Sean about a month before I swooped in. I was pretty poor at the time, jokes about my predominantly PB&J diet were many, one day I invited him over for some sammiches and movie watchin’.
On movie night, about halfway through Idiocracy, Sean said, “I notice we’re getting awfully cuddly here.” For the record, I was not the only one making efforts to decrease the space between us. So we came to a verbal agreement: We were both interested in trying some kind of romantic arrangement, it would be exclusive per my request, but Sean was not my boyfriend. We’ve been systematically decreasing the distance between us ever since.
But it took him months to admit he was my boyfriend.


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