Wow. You found us. That’s great!
Sean4Saw.com is the online home of Sean Lewis, his wife, Mackey, and their two neurotic cats, Stuart and Puddin’ (or Stu and Puds, AKA “The StuPuds”).
Sean4Saw.com was created by Sean on April 1, 2017, as sean4saw.wordpress.com. Sean’s intention for the site was to hone his Wordpress skills and practice using social media to market the handle @Sean4Saw. This constituted Sean’s idea of acquiring marketable skills to relieve himself of his unemployment.
Sean had previously been an English teacher, but in October of 2015, when Sean was living and teaching in rural Virginia with his little family, he experienced a spiritual/mental health crisis that would change his life.
After a particularly troubling incident at the school where he was teaching, he started to became paranoid, believing that someone connected to the school or law enforcement had hacked his computer and was monitoring all of his communications. He had very silly reasons for thinking this. He began drinking to calm his mind and get a few hours of sleep each night.
A bad diagnosis and prescription from his Primary Care Physician only worsened his symptoms. He continued to drink while also taking a name brand anti-depressant and sleep aid. He began to hear and see things that weren’t there. Sleep was almost impossible.
He was on “sick leave” from teaching and stayed buzzed most of the day. At night he felt strange, like he was on drugs (HE WAS!). Five days into this no-sleep/alcohol/anti-depressant/sleeping pill bender, Sean’s brain left this realm of existence. He went to sleep, but his body and senses stayed awake. The resulting hallucination was the most intense he had experienced ever (he had some experience with night terrors and psychedelics). The details of this hallucination will someday hit the pages of this site, but for now, here’s the part that landed Sean in the psychiatric ward two days later:
Sean spoke to God (more accurately, Sean was spoken to by God), and was given knowledge of the true nature of reality, and a vision of the future.
Hence the name, Sean4Saw.
Before you click away, know that I’m not going to try to convince you that I spoke to God. I was on way more mind-altering substances than I’m used to, and when they eventually let me out of the hospital I was diagnosed with Bipolar I and “Potential Alcohol Use Disorder.” I have no reason to doubt either of those diagnoses, but I appreciate that they left me some wiggle room so I could still get drunk while I was on unemployment for my crazy brain.
I don’t necessarily think that I spoke to God, but maybe I did. What I do know is that the more I think about it and the more time passes, the more I let that possibility grow in my heart. I’m just going to give you the details from my perspective; you should make your own conclusions about all things spiritual and sacred.
2016 was the worst year of my life. The medication they gave me at the hospital eventually calmed me down. Then they REALLY calmed me down. Then I became severely depressed (this will sound familiar to bipolar folks and friends). This lasted for months. My psychiatrist was reluctant to try alternatives to his original prescription. He wanted me to wait for the depression to go away on it’s own. He didn’t consider that I might be overmedicated.
Having never experienced depression before, I had no idea what was going on in my own head. I’d always said I didn’t understand people who committed suicide; How could you throw away life for potentially nothing (or worse if you’re Catholic)? How could things get that bad? Now I understood. Depression is as awful and painful as joy is wonderful and pleasing. I didn’t actively want to kill myself, but if someone came along with a quick, painless way out, I probably wouldn’t have fought them off.
Like I said, I didn’t have any experience with depression, so when I stopped feeling horrible and merely felt bored, I was eager to return to teaching. Staying at home drinking whiskey and watching Netflix had become tedious. I told my shrink I was feeling better and wanted to go back to school. He signed the papers and off I went!
What I didn’t know, was that you can have a few days in a row without wanting to jump off a bridge and still be severely depressed. After the excitement of the new semester wore off (about 8 days later) I was miserable again. The kids didn’t want to be there; I didn’t want to be there. I went through the motions out of pride, but I honestly didn’t give a f*** about those kids. I felt sorry for a handful of them. The rest could jump off that same bridge I was planning to use for all I cared. (Kids, if you ever read this, that’s not how I feel now, I was sick.)
I stuck it out for 9 weeks, then resigned after my psychologist suggested my job was literally driving me crazy. Mackey and I snuck out of town without telling anyone and moved to Sarasota, FL, to live with Mackey’s parents while I recovered. I stayed depressed until October when my current psych doctor changed my meds. It took a few weeks, but the depression finally started to fade. When I came out of it, I realized I had a drinking problem. That took a few more months to address.
By April 1, 2017, I was sober, a little bit happy, and looking for work. I wasn’t ready to teach again, but marketing caught my attention, and it was while looking for a job in the field that I came up with @Sean4Saw.
Because I am lazy, my idea for filling the site with pages was to publish old creative writing I had saved from high school and college. Because I am a nerd and had a lot of time to fill with not-drinking, I edited them and provided a “critique” as if I were writing for the New Yorker. I put up 5 because I wanted the site to look complete.
A week later somebody at WordPress read one, put it in the “featured” section, and on Saturday night people started showing up to my poorly-put-together .wordpress site to read my work.
Did I freak out a bit? Yes.
Did I immediately consider burning the site to the ground? Yes.
Did I stay up all night reformatting the site so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be associated with it?
You’re here, aren’t you?
Sean4Saw.com started as a secret self-teaching project. Thousands of people make websites every day; most of them are offline within 2 years having only been seen by 7 people. I never intended for more than 7 people to see this. But once people started showing up, I figured, if I could draw people to a generic WordPress site just by fucking around, what might I be able to do if I was actually trying?
So I invested $36 to drop the .wordpress from my URL and started trying.
A month later, my wife @Mackey4Saw started critiquing and commenting on my writing along with me, and my followers list started growing even faster!
Now we’re starting a vlog (Check it out on YouTube!), I’m going to be sharing some childhood photographs, and Mackey’s going to be posting some of her own artwork, writing, and photography!
Sean4Saw.com is no longer just another WordPress blog! I think there’s a decent chance you’ve stumbled upon the next big Internet celebrity power-couple! Sean and Mackey!
Maybe we should change the name to Smackey.com…
Quick request: please try not to be too judgemental of the younger versions of myself presented on this site; Lord knows I judge them enough myself. Feel free to judge the stuff I’m doing and saying now, in fact, please do comment if the spirit moves you!
Thanks for stopping by, and if you like what you see, please share it with your Internet buddies.
May the Force be with You,